Navigating Life's Challenges using Human Design Insights and Bravery with Heather Vickery

Gotta get up, get up Tell the whole world you a winner, winner vision of a star with a mission in the cause what you doing, how you doing, what you're doing and who you are Flex yourself and press yourself Check yourself, don't wreck yourself if you know me then you know that I be knowing what's up. Hey, Stephanie. Graham is nosy as WLPNLP Chicago 105.5 FM Lumpin radio. Hello Chicago, welcome to 2 o'.

Clock.

So happy to be here with you today. And we are joined with Heather Vickery. Heather, welcome to Lumpfin. Welcome to Nosy af.

I am so excited to be here. One of my favorite podcasters, one of my favorite shows.

I'm so happy to hear that. Thank you, Malcolm. Jamal Warner, are you a fan? Were you a fan?

Yes. It's devastating. And you know what?I have to sadly admit that I hadn't seen a lot of the really incredible stuff he's put out in the last few years until he passed and now it's showing up on my TikTok feed and I'm like, wow, what a loss for the world.

Yeah, absolutely. I feel like.

And I'm.

It does feel like a cousin or.

I'm a Gen Xer. Right. So I did certainly grow up. The Cosby Show.

Yeah, it's been a wild week. Yeah. And Ozzy Osbourne, I was super sad about Ozzy.

That was not my, that was not my music genre of choice. But I had a lot of mad respect for Ozzy same.

I do remember one time on his reality show, I love reality tv. I forget where his daughter was going, but he's like, do you need money?And just pulled out and she's like, dad, I don't need like thousands of dollars. Like I'm going for. It was some place she was going. But he's like all like moving slow. Like, do you need money?And like she's like, why do you go anywhere? Why do you have like all that money in your pocket?

I love that. And then there's me, my 12 year old's going to walk around downtown Oak park and she's like, do you have any money for me?I was like, I can give you a 10. She's like, yeah, that's good.

Right? Right. Some people are getting 10, some people are getting 10,000. It's just all depends. Oh my gosh. Well, Heather, you have so much going on. You are a.You are changing lives out here. And you also do human design.

I do.

And please tell us all about human design. I am overwhelmed. You were so gracious to pull a chart for me, but I just feel like everybody and their mom is talking about it. So what is it?

Human design is really cool. It is a modern scientific self discovery system based on several different ancient sciences and philosophies.Chinese I Ching, Kabbalah, Buddhism, quantum physics, the chakra system and astrology.My favorite thing about it is that it's all about knowing yourself, trusting yourself and expanding yourself from how you're designed to be in the world. Instead of, there's nothing to fix, we can't change it, right?So when I read somebody's human design chart and they're like, oh, I don't like that about myself. How do I fix it? Nah, babe, that's not how that works. Like you need to work with this, but we can't work with things if we don't know what it is.It has become very popular. Although sometimes I'll be in social circles and they'll be like, I don't know these words that you're saying, what is human design? And I'm like, oh.Then I'm pulling up charts on my phone, which is amazing. Every conversation I ever have.

It.

It's very easy to follow a lot of people on social media and learn a little bit here and there. So you're going to find your, your armchair experts of course on it. But it is a complicated system.I have studied for years to have the knowledge I have and I still learn things. Yeah, I took a full certification course, a year long program which was very intensive.And I'll be super honest with you, when I first started it, I was freaked out. I cried the first day. I was like, this is hard. I don't, I don't know these words. I don't understand this language.I had just been drawn to it, which now that I know human design was my splenic intuition going, you need this, go do this. And I was like, why am I doing this?But you know, learning that we call that your authority, learning to trust your inner intuition, your inner knowing.And everybody's is different and it's just this beautiful expansive thing that's made me so much more patient with people, more curious and less judgmental because I can see so clearly how uniquely we are all designed.

I see that was a lot.

And this is like speaking about human design and I don't. Shut up.

No, no, no. So wait, so with human design it's like, it's like your zodiac sign. Like you're a Libra at the right as soon as you're born. Right.Like it doesn't change. It is who you are.

It does not change. Yes. Although astrology is only a small portion of it. You're. Your chart is pulled from the date and time and location of your birth. And also.So that's your. We call that your conscious design, your personality side. And also 80.It is said that 88 days before you're born is when your subconscious patterning is patterned onto you. So your. What we call the design side, your subconscious side is pulled from that 88 days before birth.

Wow.

Isn't that cool?

That's a lot of pressure on your parents to have to know what time you were born.

Well, it's on some birth certificates. You can look it up there it. That can be tricky. A lot of people who are adopted really struggle. Cause we can't find that out.Now there are things we can do without knowing your birth time and we can get pretty close. But some of my favorite human design, like little details, like your best environment, how you should best consume food.Seriously, your digestive system will process better things like that. We call them that. Yeah, we call them variables. Those come from the exact minute of your birth and they can change.And I have had twins who were born more than a few minutes apart and have their varials be variables. Be a little bit different. Wow.

And what draw you? What drew you to wanting to.

Yeah, great question.

I feel like if it's been around so long, like how long?

Like it hasn't been around that long. So I don't know how woo your audience is.They're either gonna love me and to and really be into me after this, or they're gonna be like, this chick's whack a doodle doo. So the actual story is that a man named Ra oruhu in the 70s was on a trip, literally like a acid trip, a mushroom trip in the forest.And all of this information was downloaded into him. Now I've had people go, that makes me love it more. And I've had people go, no, I'm out. I don't know, man.I don't know how it works, Stephanie, but it works. I could pull a chart of anybody, no matter what, if I've never met them before.And I could tell them things that they go, how the hell do you know that about me? Like you couldn't possibly know that about me. I'm like. But I do because it's in your chart. And so I was drawn to. I love to learn.I am constantly learning which that shows up in my human design chart. Also my profile lines, which come from your variables.And I was at a conference, a podcasting conference, actually, with a friend of mine, and she mentioned it, and I was like, I don't know what that is. And she was like, oh, my gosh, Heather, you're gonna have to check all this out. You're gonna love it. So just like I mentioned, armchair expert.I started following people on social media and learning a little bit. And then I got an ad on Instagram. I'm not on Instagram anymore, but I was then, and it was like, human design certification. And the.The woman teaching it is right up my alley. She's throwing curse words left and right. She's breaking all the rules. She's trying all these different things. And I just.I swear to you, I immediately was like, oh, I have to take this course. And then. And then I was like, wait, no, you. What? No, you don't. What are you talking about? And I'm like, no, I have to take this course.And I did and changed my life.

Wow, that's awesome.

Thanks.

That is awesome. When you're, like, passionate about something like that.

Yeah.

Cause it definitely feels intimidating and it definitely feels like everybody. Or everybody, everybody. And their mom is a human design interpreter. Is that what you would be?

I'm a human design coach and a reader, so I don't know. Reader.

Reader. That's what it is.

Reader. It's interesting.I recently had somebody who does a lot of human design work and a lot of subconscious reprogramming work, and I mentioned something about, you know, where we had been studying, and she goes, oh, well, I'm actually just human design informed. I'm just NLP informed. And I'm like, oh, that means self taught.And I'm not hating on self teaching, but I think that it's tricky to teach if you haven't been properly educated. So that worries me just a little bit. Yeah, but not everybody's supposed to teach it, Right?

Right. Yeah, that's real. Yeah. It seems like, okay, it is good to look for that certification.You know my cousin at the barbecue that's always pulling us aside to read our charts, he told us not to worry about the time. Just come on.

It will make a huge difference. Yeah, that's bad advice. Your cousin at the barbecue, you need the birth time or you're telling stories because you don't know the full facts.But that's, you know, it's fun to do readings, and then you can do basic. I mean, anybody. I'VE ever done a reading for.They get the bug and then all of a sudden they're chatting it up with, you know, so and so at the bar, and they're like, oh, I really want to pull your chart. But I do readings, custom readings, and they're personalized from, like, you know, $55 on to including, you know, two hours of private coaching.So it goes up there, but there's always something available if you want to really learn your own chart and really learn how to live into yourself without apology. Have a professional do a reading for you. Do not try to piecemeal this.

Yeah, yeah. So, like, in your coaching, you know, you're all about making folks feel brave.

And.

And, you know, nowadays especially, I feel like in this climate, people are leaning into being brave, being playful, bringing joy, you know. Why. Why the word brave? For your practice?

Yeah. Thank you. I. I love the concept of turning things up upside down, up on their head.And when I first started my transformation coaching business, I really lumped. I got excited about this idea of what, what is fear and what is bravery?And fear is this normal, natural human emotion, and sometimes it can save our lives. It's really important, and sometimes it holds us back. So why I always say fear either owns you or empowers you. The choice is really up to you. And.And the only way to know the difference is to be curious about it, to, you know, get to know your fear a little and ask it questions. That's brave, right? And so sometimes bravery looks like doing really big, massive things.For me, it included getting a divorce and coming out of the closet at 38 years old.It included closing a very successful event and wedding planning business that I'd had for 18 years and transforming into a coaching and speaker and, you know, author, all of that. But sometimes bravery is like slowing down just enough to hear yourself think. It's asking yourself reflective questions.Sometimes bravery is saying no, sometimes it's saying yes. But bravery is always, always leading you towards embodied joy. When you choose bravely on purpose, you find joy easier.You find things to be grateful for easier because you're redefining what that means to you.

And I feel like that could be.Yeah, it could be overwhelming because it's still like, even listening to you speak, I feel like it could still be so vague, like, you know, absolutely. I don't know. Can you give some examples of bravery? I feel like it's like, let me walk over and try to holler at this girl. That's brave.

But it could be.

Ask for 10% off of the stained dress.

Okay. But you know what? Those things are brave. So bravery has to be self defined, just like success has to be self defined.And what feels brave to you one minute might not feel brave to you an hour later or a week later or a year later. What feels brave for you, Stephanie, might not be brave for me. And I'll. And I will give you some examples. So I am on camera all the time.I do not particularly enjoy being on camera, and it took me years to get comfortable. Nobody would believe me now because I pop on and off the camera all the time, but years and years and years.So getting my courage up to show up on camera started out very brave for me. It's not brave for me anymore. But, um, because I've. I've made that part of my regular routine.Certainly coming out and getting a divorce was brave, but also, you know, telling my.

Yes, it was.

Thanks. Asking for help.You know, we are in a podcast collective together, and I have a bunch of really interesting, exciting things happening in my business and I'm feeling the pressure of how to get the message out. So this feels really brave to me to say to people that I know and some folks that I don't, hey, this is what I'm doing.If you like what I'm doing, would you help me spread the word? I think that's brave.

Yeah.

You know, for some people, it's. It's sending an email or making a phone call. It's telling somebody, no, no, you can't treat me like that. It's setting a boundary.Or maybe it's saying yes to your wildest dreams. Maybe I'm hosting a retreat in Costa Rica in January of 2026. Maybe.Maybe the bravest thing you can do is actually give yourself space and time to have fun, to relax, to play, to hear yourself think for a second. Bravery looks different for everybody.

Yeah, I'm trying to. I think I'm gonna sit with that this week and even think like, okay, is this brave? Is this brave? You know? Cause again, there's.These are big words that people, I guess they become vague to me because they are self defined. And so when people say it, you don't really know what they're talking about.

It's different for everybody. So this is where I back to human design and I'm trying to remember. I should pull up your chart. Are you manifesting generator? Does that sound right?I'm gonna pull it up.

I think so. Yeah.

Right now. So I think so also. And for a manifesting generator, so for a manifesting generator or a generator, you have a defined sacral.And that gives you consistent knowing, consistent access to your intuition. So you have a. A heck yes or a no way. Like an instant. Like it's a yes or no, a deep connection to that, and it never goes away.So if you want to go through your day, first of all, I would say if it feels brave to you, it's brave. Even. What happens is our. Our mind says asking for 10% off of this dress can't possibly be brave. That's dumb. Get over yourself. Except if.If you have social anxiety and that's a really hard thing for you to do, you get to decide that that's brave. Right? But trusting yourself and trusting your intuition, which is where human design comes in, and I love that so much help much more quickly.I'm gonna find your chart. It's right here. Pure. Oh, you're a pure generator. You're not a manifesting Generator. Even better. Okay, yes. Pure generator, yes.So pure means your sacral is your authority, your decision making. You really have a yes or no. So I would urge you to always process questions or things you're going through with yes or no.Open ended is a not the way to quickly get you to a divisive decision. Right. So you could say that.

That. That makes sense. Huh?

Huh. So as you're doing something you could say is going to this social gathering. Well, you could ask if it's brave, but it doesn't matter.Is it for me, is going to this social gathering for a thing that I should be doing. And if you just stop for a second and listen, your body will be like yes, or it will say no. And. And there's usually a.A physical sensation that comes with it. When I do VIP readings with people, we practice knowing what that is, and we have all sorts of tips for that. So you, you're a generator.Like you, you finish everything you start. So make sure you're starting things that are a yes, because if you start things that are a no, you're miserable the whole time.You don't do your best work, but you're still going to finish it. And everybody's gonna kind of be unhappy.

That makes so much sense. And I could see how now maybe how human design could really be life changing when people start to really dig into this for themselves.

Yep, absolutely. Because everybody is different.Now if you're a generator or manifesting Generator, you will have your sacral defined, but it might not be your authority. There could be other authorities, but you Always have that knowing. So mine is splenic. I won't get too far into this, into the weeds with people.But the spleen is the oldest known anthropological safety mechanism. It's a life or death. This is safe or unsafe awareness.And when I tell you that I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw this ad for a human design certification, my spleen was like, red alert, red alert. You need this, you need to do this. But for us, we get the knowing and then it goes away.So if we don't listen to it, then our mind gets in the way and starts manipulating us with a defined sacral. You always know. So if you, if you make unaligned decisions, you're very well aware of the fact that you have made unaligned decisions.

I see. Wow, that's fun.

It is fun. Yeah. No, it is.

Yeah.

You were cute when I did the reading for you. You were like, I don't, I don't know.

Because it's so wild, you know, I just, it seems like Instagram is so wild. First of all, Instagram, I love jewelry and Instagram was showing me really expensive jewelry.

Of course it was.

And I, and I said to it, I was like, can I see pieces? $100 or less. And it did it. I just spoke directly to my phone and it did it.

Tell me that's not terrifying, though. It's a little.

Yeah, it was terrifying. But I was like, I guess I should make this work for me.

Well, that's true.I actually, this is not relevant or related at all, but I just finished reading the book Careless People, which chronicles the early years of Facebook and. Yeah, we're just all being manipulated all the time.

Yeah. Yikes. Yeah, I heard. And this also isn't related, but I heard that they are.You know, I'm not gonna say which airline, but certain airlines, they're gonna start going through your email and it's. How can they do that, adjust the price? I don't know, but it's going to help adjust the price of a ticket.So if you have to, oh my gosh, I have to go to a funeral. They're going to say, oh, we could charge them more money to fly to Portland because they really got to go.

I mean, if you're booking a last minute ticket, it's more expensive. That's already the case. I hope that's not true.

Right.

That feels like that should cross either. But the US doesn't regulate anything like that. And if they sell your information, they can mine it.That was a lot of what this book was about, man, I don't know. Sometimes I just want to go off the grid.

Listen. And that's why, just meet me in Costa Rica.It's important to come back to center and self define our bravery, our joy and our playfulness and go on retreats.

Go on retreats and prioritize your self care and your self worth and do things that make you happy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you've been influential in helping folks change their lives and the way they see things.Do you have any stories of anybody that might stand out?

Oh, gosh, I have a lot of stories. And it's funny that this comes up. Elizabeth was one of the first people who signed on to go to my Costa Rica retreat.She was a client years ago, a member of a, of a group coaching program that I don't run anymore. And when we first met, she, all she wanted to do, she has, has a little VA business.All she wanted to do was make enough money to cover their mortgage. Her husband had a good job. But she's like, it would really alleviate a lot of pressure if I could just cover the mortgage. And I was like, okay.I feel like, you know, where we talked about some finances and I'm, I'm not a business coach. Cause I don't want to be. Not because I can't be.But we did some basic conversations about clients and you know, there's some mathematics involved there. And then we go about, and we're doing all this work, all this coaching, and it's all about taking radical responsibility for yourself.How you're showing up in the world regardless of what's happening around you. Who do you want to be in this moment? How do you want to behave?All of that, like everything I do centers around taking radical responsibility for yourself. And we're about six months in and I said to Elizabeth, how's, how's it going? Are you covering the mortgage? And she goes, oh, I don't know.I'm afraid to look.

I was like, elizabeth, Elizabeth.

But how many people. We don't, we don't want to look at the bill, we don't want to look at the total.We don't want to balance our budget or we don't want to ask a question from somebody because we're afraid of the answer. Right? This is fear. It either owns you or empowers you. Right? And so for her in that moment, going through and balancing her P and L was really brave.But guess what? She found she had doubled her mortgage. She was making more than double her Mortgage. She had no idea because she was too afraid to look.Well, what happened when she finally did look a Her confidence skyrocketed. She felt fantastic. She was able to budget better. Their family life dynamic shifted drastically.So there's the information you need, the feedback you need to do those reflection things more often.So we're talking about money for her, but it could be anything and just checking in with yourself and reassessing and making sure you have the information you need to make the decisions properly for yourself. And it really could be, it could be anything. It could be how you feel emotionally, your relationship. It could be work related.It fits with everything.

But what if you're too afraid to get the information you need?

Yeah, well, if you're not willing to put yourself into that uncomfortable space, you're not ready to work with me. Because we've got to do the work.

But what if we can't work with you anyway and we have to do the work ourselves? What do we do?

I think that most people will do it when they're ready to do it. I always say that, you know, boundaries which include those that we have with ourselves are limits that define acceptable behavior.Actually, the dictionary says that I say you get to decide what's acceptable behavior.So most of the time, when we're ready to actually do the thing that we've been avoiding it is because we are no longer willing to accept the reality that's in front of us. We want to shift it so you can be scared and not take action until you can't stand it anymore.And then you're gonna shift it and you're gonna change it. And I would say start really small, break it down really small, and I'll give you a very personal example that I don't want to do.But I talk about people being vulnerable and authentic. So I'm going to do the same thing. I'm 50, I'm in perimenopause.I went to the doctor earlier this week and for the first time ever, my blood pressure is high. Could be due to a lot of reasons. And she's like, I need you to come back in six weeks. And we'll check it again.And if it's still high, then we need to talk about treatment. I. I don't. I don't exercise, Stephanie. I don't enjoy it. I don't want to. I don't like the way it makes me feel. It doesn't give me any boost.Just makes me want to go back to bed. I'd rather do. I'd rather read. I'd rather do anything else. But I know for a fact that doing strength training lowers your blood pressure.I'm like, I do not want to go back in six weeks and have her put me on hypertension medication. I do not want to be on hypertension medication. So I'm gonna do this thing and it has been three days. I haven't done it yet, but I am going to.I'm gonna do this thing that I don't wanna do because I don't want the other result.

Yeah, yeah, I understand that. So that's where it's made you, like, okay, is that radical responsibility?

I think it is. Yeah.

Yeah, take that radical responsibility.

And it really takes looking at like, we can do hard things, all of those things, like, which result do you want, you know? Or what is it that you're. Is acceptable to you? What are you willing to live with?And then sometimes we have to do the icky parts, you know, I sent cold call emails to all of the local health and wellness practitioners so that we could have a coffee and get to know each other better because I wanted to tell them about my Costa Rica retreat and I didn't want to. I don't want to cold call these people. That doesn't sound fun to me. I don't like that. But I did. I did it anyway.And the worst thing that could happen is they're all going to ignore me. I don't know. I don't know what'll happen. Something, something, something good will happen.

Which you could do. Right?

Right. I did the thing. I did the thing I was afraid of doing and now it's done and it's over. It's all fine.

It's Stephanie Graham on Nosy AF talking with Heather Vickery. We're taking a quick break. Break. But we'll be right back, so stay close. This episode of Nosy I F is brought to you by me, Stephanie Graham.Listen, I would love to know what you think about the show. And in order to get this feedback, I have created a listener survey to help me shape what's next. What do you like? What do you dislike? What there.What should there be more of? I would love to know. So Please head to nosy af.comslsurvey to share your thoughts.It's open all summer and everyone who fills it out will be entered to win a 25bookshop.org gift card. And the first 25 folks to leave a mailing address will get a special thank you gift from me.And listen, if you are Listening after summer, that's cool too. I'm always curious.So visit nosyif.com survey anytime but this summer is when I'm really trying to put push these results so your feedback means everything. So okay, that's it, back to the episode. You're listening to WLPN LP Chicago 105.5 FM Lumpin radio.This is nosy AF and I'm your host Stephanie Graham and we are back with Heather Vickery. I think we all want a result that's just going to keep us paid and looking fly.

Right.

And keep us healthy, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean whatever's going to get us there. I think personally.

Funny.

Let me talk speak about myself.

No, I think that's true.I was chatting with my 15 year old daughter about this last night and she was like, you know, but like why do you want to live if your quality of life is sucky? And I said I think it's, there's, it's up to your perspective. She's like if you can't eat the foods you want to eat or travel or do whatever.And I said that makes sense to me. You're 15, you want to be, have it all exactly the way you want.If somebody told me that I could do some deadlifting or whatever, I don't even know what I'm doing yet or change my diet and it meant I got to live to see my children have children, yeah, I'm going to make that change because being here to see them grow and have their own children is more important to me. But when we're 15 we have a different perspective and maybe when we're 70 we have a different perspective. That's why younger people fight illness.And maybe when you're older you're like eh, I had a good life, I don't want to. Yeah, we shift our perspective and it.

Always, it's always changing, right?

Always.

It's always something. It's always something.

It's always something. It's always a moving target. Don't. Change is the only constant.

When does someone say I need a coach? That's one question. And the second part to that is it sounds so expensive.

That's a great question. Yeah, it certainly, it can be. Not necessarily with me but it can be.Most people find their way to me and I can't necessarily speak for other coaches when what's happening no longer feels acceptable or viable. Most of my clients look fairly successful on paper. They're probably perceived as successful by other folks but they don't feel like they're thriving.They don't have, have their stuff together on the inside. It doesn't feel good to them. Right.And so they, they come to me and they say, I, I don't know what to do, I don't know where I want to go, I don't know what the answers are, but I don't want this anymore. And that's when we start the discovery process to get them the answers that they want.And a really good coach, which I think I am, doesn't give you the answers. I hope you find the answers. You have the answers. We've just got to get you there because you know better than anybody else what's best for you.So I just guide and pull and I have tips and tricks and I'm, I'm certified in nlp. Subconscious reprogramming. So I have all kinds of cool ways to help us solve problems and get to where we want to go.In addition to human design cost wise, I try to meet people wherever they are because I think this work is for everyone. I host free office hours every Single Tuesday at 12pm Central.So if people just want to come and ask a question and get to know me and, and obviously I have to have some boundaries there because this is my job and it's how I take care of my family.But you know, my very first, my very first coach who I love dearly and he changed my life, he said, give, give as much away as you can because nobody's ever going to think this is all Heather has to offer. They're going to think, wow, she can do this for me in 30 minutes. Imagine what she could do for me if we work together twice a month. Right.And so when people are ready, they want to do more work, I'm here and I'm available. I have a client right now who was just sort of in my sphere for five years, just in my sphere. She'd show up to certain things, come to live shows.You know, we'd chat on social media. And then about six months ago, she was like, okay, I'm ready, let's go. Said, great, let's do it.

So then what advice would you give to someone who feels stuck in a life that looks fine on paper but feels unfulfilling?

Yeah.

Like if somebody's writing right now and they're like, that's me.

Yeah, that's you. I help.I would say, you know, and sometimes this the answer to this question, these things can be really hard to do on your own, which is why coaches are great. Because we provide support and accountability. We kind of hold your hand a little bit through the hard stuff.But what you want to do is reflect on, honestly reflect on which parts don't feel good, which things do you know do you need to shed or walk away from? What are your choices or your behaviors that aren't leading to results that you like?Because again, we're taking radical responsibility for ourselves. We're not blaming our partners, we're not blaming our kids, we're not blaming our bosses. They might be a problem, but you can only control yourself.So you look at all of these different situations and figure out where things just feel off. And then say, what? Okay, what are my other options? What else could I try? What else can I do? And I take people through this process really thoroughly.But you can do this certainly on. On your own. Gotta take yourself through that reflection process.And it can be very difficult to hold your feet to the fire on that, to hold yourself accountable. But I would say get a. Get a notepad and a pen or if you're.You wanna do on your phone or your computer or whatever and start just honestly listing all the parts of your life that don't feel good, that don't feel. I use the word aligned, but just don't. They don't. They're not for you and you don't necessarily know why.And then you can investigate them one by one, but you have be really honest with yourself. That is not always an easy thing to do.

Yeah, that seems like that could definitely be a challenge. But I do love a good list, right? I do love a good list. It gets you started and it keeps you in line intact, you know?So then you have your BRAVE method. Can you walk us through the Brave method and how it helps people reclaim their power?

The Brave method is my trademarked coaching platform to problem solve, dream design, build, and actually have a life that you are madly in love with. So BRAVE is an acronym in this case. Why did I do that? Well, because that was my whole jam, right? Bravery.I was like, okay, let me use these letters to get across. And so I'm going to start with the E because that's your result. The E in the BRAVE method is expansion and empowerment. That's why you do the work.That's why you show up for yourself. That's why you say yes. That's why you take the time. Nobody can expand or empower you except you. You are the only one that can do that.And I call poppycock on coaches or anybody who says I empower People to X. No, they don't, because that's inside work.We can coach and guide and mentor and help and support and cheerlead, but you are the only one that empowers your. When you choose yourself, when you choose to do this work. So we go back. B stands for boundaries, which we've already talked about a little.Okay, boundaries. Change the game. The brave method I love because it works in a360 manner in every single aspect of life. I've had people use it for business.I've had people use it as they're going through the grieving process. Like everything across the board. Boundaries we have the R R is what I call the three Rs. Reassessment, Reframing, and Resilience.So Resiliency is the number one key indicator into whether or not a person will be successful. It's not skill. It's your ability to look at something and create a shift or change and show up again differently.That requires reassessment and reframing. The three Rs is the most powerful tool any of us can have.At any moment, whatever is happening in your life, if you will stop and reassess and reframe and get up and do it again differently, it will change your life, period. We've got B R A is action and accountability. Right. Because eventually we've got to get beyond thinking about things and start doing things.

Yes, please.

Yeah, get it done.

Don't just talk about it, be about it.

Yeah, you got to get it done. Right. So B, R, A, V is a vulnerability.Because, you know, if you aren't honest in this space, if you aren't vulnerable and authentic, when you do this growth work, you're letting yourself down. And I don't know if, you know, this is really cool. Scientists were able to put. There was a hyperbolic chamber and they were measuring energies.This is cool. I love science. Do you know what energy had more force than any other energy?

Ooh, What?

Authenticity.

Authenticity.

Authenticity is a force. It's an energy force.So we say people can smell when you're dishonest or you're not telling the truth or, you know, you kind of get that feeling like you can tell when somebody is authentic. That gives off more of a good vibration than anything else. Most people will say, oh, is it. Is it love or is it fear? Right. Because those are big.But it's authenticity. People can tell. And you can tell if you're doing this work, but you're lying to yourself. It's not gonna work. Yeah.And Those things lead to expansion and empowerment.

I love that. Yes. It is just a step by step framework. Yeah, I love that.

Thank you.

How did, how long did it take you to come up with that?

Well, that's a great question. I had been playing with different elements of it for a long time before I was like, oh, I think this is actually like a framework.I would say a couple years before I was, I was like, oh, ding, ding, ding. Like, this is. I could put this together in a format that will really make sense to people and help people.

I love accountability. I love accountability groups.

Me too.

I love, like, I think as an only child, I love being able to check in because, you know, I didn't have anybody to check in with when I was little, so I tried to make people to check in with. Now as an adult.

Yeah, it's really important. There is some sort of like subversive, patriarchal story that says that we should be able to just hold ourselves accountable.And in theory, I get it, but it just doesn't work because we're human with all of the other things happening in our lives. So I also love accountabilities. I had a couple years ago, actually several years ago now, I had what we called a wins accountability partner.It was somebody I, again, I had met on social media and we were great, great at telling people how we screwed up all the time. That was so easy. Oh, I made this mistake. What we were not great at was saying, I did this thing really well. This was a win. It was great.So we started meeting for five minutes every Friday and all we were allowed to do was list our wins. So what did that mean? It meant throughout the week I had to keep track of my wins so to pay attention. So I had this list.So you slowed down because, you know, like, the more you do of something, the more you have of it to do. And then we had a rule that we were not allowed to disparage. So let's say we'll just stick with social media.Let's say that we were supposed to post five times a week, but we only posted three. We couldn't say, well, I was supposed to post five times, but I only did three. We could only say I posted three times on social media.And then the other person would be like, oh, my God, that's amazing. Congratulations. It was awesome.

I love that. Yeah, that's really great. Listener, please send your wins. We would love to and celebrate you. That would be so great. I mean, yeah, I love that.I really love that because you're Right. It only takes. It is. It is so easy to see, like, what you don't do. Right. Instead of seeing actually what you did.

Do a hundred percent, you know. Yep. And that's one of the things.When I am working one on one with clients and even in my Spark Collective membership, we check in weekly and say, like, what's working? What's great? What are you celebrating? Because the more you focus on that, the more of it you have to focus on.

Yeah. I have a walking club and we walk every, like, every few days. And one. One member wasn't there for a long time.And so when she finally showed up, we're like, oh, my God, where have you been? Like, let's walk. Like, catch us up. Like, this whole walk is dedicated to what you've been up to, you know, and she's like, I should have been here.I should have been here. But really, it's like, look, you are here actually, you know, but you are here today.

Yeah. We could spend a lot of time and a lot of people do, beating ourselves up over what we wish we'd done differently, but it's done now.So what do you want to do next?

So is that just sort of like, to stop that? Just like a catch and reframe and like being around people that will catch and reframe?

Yes, absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm on a win lifestyle. I'm just going to catch and reframe people for the rest of the day.

Just remember, right timing. There's a way to do it that invites people to feel welcoming about it and rather than, you know, like, what.

Don'T tell me about this. Happy go lucky, right?

Yeah, but, yeah, it's lovely. I mean, I. I do that. I try to be tender. Like, is there another way to say that I do gratitude with my clients.At the end of each session, I'll say, okay, list 10 things you're grateful for and why. And first of all, almost everyone was like, 10 things.I'm like, if you can't find 10 things you're grateful for right now, you got bigger problems than what you came in here for. So we do the 10 things. I had this one client once who had come just come back from a trip, and she said, I'm grateful that the plane didn't crash.I'm grateful that my plants didn't die. I was like, stop. Start over with what you're actually grateful for instead of what you're glad didn't happen.And she was like, oh, I'm glad I landed safely. I'm glad my plants were still alive. Hear the difference and feel the difference.

Yeah. 10 does sound like a lot, though.I could do it, but then I. I feel like when you try to do that, then you start making the most, smallest things you can get to 10. But that still is a win, right?

It's actually better. So micro things are remind us that we're not stuck. That whatever icky thing you're going through right now is not the big picture. There's more.So I actually, if people will start with, I'm grateful for my job. I'm grateful for my car. I'm grateful for my house. I'm grateful we have food, and those are all awesome things.But I would say find 10 things about your job you're grateful for. Find 10 things about your house that you're grateful for. I can do it.Or when you're feeling really overwhelmed and stressed, stop, take a big deep breath, and look around you and find things you can touch, smell, feel, or hear that you're grateful for. So I'm grateful for the fan over there because it is hot as Hades up in my office today. I am grateful for my bookshelf, which I manifested.It took me 10 years to get this wall of books, and I love it. I am really grateful for the iced tea I made earlier today because I talk so much it makes me thirsty.I'm grateful for technology allowing me to have this conversation with you. Right. I could just go on and on and on, and then we feel good. Like, try it. Stephanie, give me 10 things you're grateful for and why.

Oh, my gosh. I am grateful for the Alley cat having kittens.

Yeah.

Because they are so cute. And I see their little faces grouped together. And I also wonder, does my neighbor know those cats are back there? So that's one. Let's see here.I am also grateful for the chai tea being on sale today. That was a pleasant surprise. And I got two. I love the chai concentrate.

Trader Joe's.

Great. No, it just went to the Jewel. I should go to Trader Joe's. Does Trader Joe's have a chai concentrate?

They do. They do.

Okay. A chai concentrate. I love saying chai concentrate. Oh, my God. Because people think I have the. The tea bags and I'm doing the whole ritual like.No, we're doing the concentration.

We use a powdered chai, but I also get that from Trader Joe's, and I mix it with milk.

Okay. You know, every week, really quick. I am always. There's a location in my neighborhood that would be perfect for a Trader Joe's.And they have that form you can submit. And I submit every week.

Good for you.

I submit every week.

Get it done.

Yeah. Yeah. So let's see here. I am also thankful that I got a chance to talk to my parents today and that I got to see them yesterday.

Love that.

I am grateful for this conversation with you, that we're able to talk and you could tell, you know, the listeners all about human design. I am also grateful for little Kim. I'm grateful for the time we had with Malcolm Jamal Warner.

Oh, me too. See? You know, do you see where you're going now that you're going deeper with this? You see how you're finding these joy moments?

Mm, yeah. Yeah, I see that. Okay. I'm gonna do a gratitude, you know, a lot of the stuff I have to not be so against woo woo stuff. But it's not even woo woo.Right. It's just saying what you're grateful for. Well, gratitude isn't that big of a deal. You need to pipe down.

Yeah. Human design is woo woo. Gratitude is neuroscience.So I am certified in positive psychology, and gratitude is scientifically proven to increase overall happiness, joy, and well being, while decreasing stress, anxiety, and depress. And we know this because you can do an MRI on somebody who doesn't have a gratitude practice.And then if they start listing three things they're grateful for and why for three months, and you go back and you do another mri, you can see that it has changed their brain chemistry. Gratitude works.

Get out. Okay. I also feel we need tote bags that say gratitude works in your tote bag.If you go to, you know, like Heather, you do all these wonderful retreats with women and with people. I feel like next time I would love to give a gratitude works tote bag with a chai cot and a bottle.

We should do an event together and. Sorry, I just bunged my microphone. We should do an event together in Chicago and that. And we can put those things in there.I've got a gratitude journal and a manifestation journal. We could pick one of those. We could. That. I wrote those.

I love it.

And could put that in there with some chai concentrate and a gratitude works. I'm here for it. I want that bag, too.

Yeah. What? Yes. I love it. I know some screen printers. I'm an artist.

Let's get it done to print that thing. Oh, my God.

It could be an activity. You can screen print. Gratitude works on your own tote bag. At our.

At our workshop.

That would be so fun.

Let's do it, listeners. Do you want us to do this?

Okay. Yes. I love that. And then, you know, okay, so I.

Could take you through the brave method. We can apply it to your life. It'll be fun.

I think that would be a lot of fun. I love that. Yes. Let's work on that.

Please. Let's do it.

And hopefully I could take my gratitude works into the Trader Joe's that is local to my neighborhood that I submit weekly. Please.

We should. I could. You should start doing a visualization practice for it. Now that's Woo woo. But it also works. So as you walk past that space, envision it.See, not just envision. What's it gonna look like. Envision yourself walking in, perusing the aisles. What would you pick up? Okay, so here I can really.I don't know how much time we have left, but in. In.

We have time for this.

In 2021, the Nobel Prize for Physics went to three scientists who proved, scientifically proved that the universe does not locally exist, that we are experiencing it like a hologram. It's a. Peggy. It'll mess with your mind. Okay, so take a deep breath because I did just say that. What that means when you think about. We know already.The speed of light, the speed of sound, they originate in one place well before we experience them. That's how time is. That's how the universe is. Right. So that's why manifestation works, because it can be manipulated. The next thing can be shifted.That's why all of the stuff we've been talking about works. Because you're changing something to create a different outcome. So visualization is just sort of throwing different vibes out into the energy.You can shift it. We are the. We are experiencing the universe like a hologram. It doesn't actually exist. We're. We're just in a simulation.I know that sounds crazy, but y' all can Google that. Scientific America will prove it. I did not make that up. I am not a physicist. But it does prove that the work I do is game changing.So I was really excited to learn it.

I love it. Yes. My dream is to have a grocery store, so I just love it.

You want to own a grocery store?

Yeah, I feel like my neighborhood needs one. But I still. In the meantime, write to Trader Joe's. I think we need a Trader Joe's.

This is right up your alley here.

Maybe Trader Joe's would get. Maybe Trader Joe's would gift it to me and I can own it.

Maybe they would. They don't do Franchise. Okay. But wait.

Never know.

Here in Oak park, we have the Sugar Beet co Op. And I know the founder and I can introduce you. So you know what she did?She got really tired, this was many years ago, of not knowing where her food came from and having a thing. So she got a co op of people together. And it's a co op community owned grocery store called the Sugar Beet Co Op. And everything's local.You could start your own grocery store as a co op.

It's so funny you say that, because I was thinking it needs to be a co op because I'm like, I don't want to be tied to this grocery store. Now there is a Southside grocery store co op and I wonder if they know her. So that can also be a thing too.

I'll introduce you.

And they could have a breakout section at the Gratitude works workshop.

No, but I just, I love all of this because this is. This is manifesting manifestation in action. This is the brave method in action.This is us declaring the things that feel like, I mean, I want to own a grocery store probably feels like a silly, crazy, wild hair dream. You said out loud. And I was like, actually, now that you've birthed that idea, I know a girl, right? And this is how we change our lives.

Wow. You have really changed my outlook. You've made it simple. Really.

Thank you.

Because it becomes so big.

Yes.

You know, and like, people, they pull out the cards and all this kind of stuff and you're just like, what? But this is. These are simple actions.

Yeah, they're simple actions. Birth your ideas. Like, come. Come with your biggest, craziest, wildest dreams and find. Find little ways, little inroads to making them come true.Because you're worthy of them. Everybody. Everybody listening. You're worthy of whatever your dreams are.

Everybody's worthy. You certainly are. And please don't sit on your dreams because if they came to you, you need to do them. And we need them like it's important.Please do them. Please. Oh, my goodness. Heather, thank you so much.

You're welcome. Thank you for inviting me onto the show. Yes.

Oh, my gosh. For more information, go to vicaryandco.com vickeryandco.com.

If you go to vicaryandco dot com social media, it'll give you quick links to all the things that we talked about. But you can go to the website.

Yes.

And there's more information than you would even know what to do with there.

Thank you again to Heather for that conversation. You know, I've been thinking a lot lately about how much is shifting in the world. Like, what is going on.There's this constant hum, this low vibration I feel of people trying to figure out how to get the world right, how to move forward while things feel sideways.I mean, even upside down, and even when you've got your hands in the work or, like, your head is down, like, doing what you need to do, you still, like, feel that, you know, there's chaos and foolishness going on in the background.And I think that's why I love conversations like talking with Heather, because it's one that asks us to pause and that invites us to be honest with ourselves. Not, like, in this whole, like, fix it quick kind of way, but more like, sit with it.Like Heather said, grab your pen and paper and pay attention and check in. And I don't know, but maybe it's just me. And actually, it's not just me. I'm.I know it's lots of people, but I think maybe when someone passes, especially someone who was so much a part of our cultural fabric, it makes you stop, for real. Like this recent passing of Malcolm Jamal Warner. It's like, wow. You know, that hit me in a way I did not expect.And it just reminds you of how fragile it all is and how fast the years go. I mean, literally, on Saturday last week, you're like, duh. We were celebrating my friend Nyla's 50th birthday.And then the next day, you know, you find out about Malcolm Jamal Warner. Or maybe it was that Tuesday, but still, it's just like, wow.And there's something about seeing someone grow up on tv, someone who represented something, like, steady and familiar, and then hearing that they're gone. It just makes you reflect on time and on legacy and, like, on how we use the time that we've got.And so, I don't know, maybe that's the real point of all of this. You know, this human design, the astrology, the therapy, the church, the journaling, whatever your thing is.It's all just, like, trying to make us feel at home in ourselves, in the world, and with each other. Especially those of us that are, you know, cultural workers, activists, you know, neighbors.Look, all of us, you know, So I don't know if today's conversation sparks something in you. If you're saying, I want to go to Walking Club, please get in touch. You know, we met, what we said. We want to hear about your wins.You know, we want to hear about what's going on. We want to be accountability buddies. We want to be in community. You know, we have to, like, band together out here because it is wild.I'm so happy that you are here. Thank you so much for spending the hour with me and Heather. And my name is Stephanie Graham.This is Nosy AF on Lumpin Radio, and I will talk to you next time.