Getting Dressed Is Identity Work How Personal Style Opens Doors with Stylist Kyla

Hi there.

Welcome.

And welcome back to noseyAF conversations about art, activism and social change.I am your host and friend, Stephanie Graham, and today I am super excited to bring you a conversation that I hope will completely change how you think about getting dressed in the morning. So today's guest is Kyla. Yes, Kyla. Not Kayla. Okay, let's get that very clear. It is very, very important.And Kyla is a personal stylist who's about to drop some serious truth bomb about why your closet might be holding you back from the life you actually want. We're going to get into why taking your image seriously doesn't make you vain. It actually makes you strategic.I love a strategy plan and how your clothes are literally a daily practice of identity work and the real reason why you have a closet full of clothes but nothing to wear. So trust me, whether you're living in leggings right now or showing up in glam and every day, this conversation is going to hit different.So let's play the theme music and let's get nosy about style, identity, and what it really means to show up ready to be seen. Welcome to noseyAF

Gotta get up, get up tell the whole world you a winner, winner vision of a star with a mission in the cause what you doing, how you doing, what you're doing and who you are Flex yourself and press yourself yourself Check yourself don't work yourself if you know me then you know that I be knowing what's up. Hey, Stephanie. Graham is nosy.

Kyla, welcome to noseyAF

Thank you. I'm happy to be here.

Yes. The first thing I want to bring up is your website is kyla, not kayla.com and you have to tell us the story behind that.

Oh, my gosh. Well, I've spent my entire life being called Kayla.Even to this day, even after people read my handle, they'll still accidentally call me Kayla, which I kind of get because they get so, like, in their head about Kyla versus Kayla. But that was something that really spoke to my journey of becoming because in my younger years, I used to feel like I shouldn't correct people.I'll just kind of let it slide. It's fine. I know what they meant.However, that started to become a problem because when you don't even allow people to call you by your proper name, it makes it really easy for you to disappear into the background.So the journey of It's Kyla, not Kayla is about me finding a confident and assertive yet graceful and polite way of letting people know what my name is and how to refer to me. So, yeah, Kyla, not Kayla, has been my handle since college and it just stuck and it just, it won't go anywhere. I love it so much.

Yeah, I love it, too. And it's also like, these are two totally different names. Like, where are you all getting that from?

I know. And you know what? It's like people, it's really coming from people not really looking. They're looking.They might look at a sheet of paper and make an assumption. The first thing that comes to their mind versus actually taking the time to look and read.And I think that, like I said before, that same, like, allowing people to do that with you, with your name, it also starts to become. Allowing your teachers to do that with your work and your grades, or allowing your boss to do that with your position and your pay rate.You're kind of like, oh, well, you know, I'm just so happy to be here. It's fine. And it's. It's not.

It's not fine. Yeah, it's not fine. That's so true.

Yes. I have friends who come from immigrant families and they have names that the average American might find difficult.And they too, really, like, understand that because you need to allow people to learn how to say your name versus saying, hey, it's cool, you can call me some weird nickname that I've never been called in my life. For your call, not mine.

Yeah. And it's like, people are so quick to do that. Like, you'll see them.Like, I've been in, like, workshops where they might read a long name and they'll say, okay, this name here is really long. Can I just call you Penny?

Yes.

And like, and it's like, why don't you try to say it? It might not even be hard to say. Like, just try first before just breaking it off.

Yes. And sometimes I can feel uncomfortable because this is like your first interaction with that person.So I'm never going to say, like, that's not my name, but I will say like, oh, actually it's Kyla, not Kayla. Yeah. Actually it's not Penny. I've never been called Penny in my life and I'm not going to start being called. Right.

Yeah, it's so. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. That's funny that you've had that domain since college. I've had my domain, missgram.com since college.And then people are always like, hey, Ms. Graham. Hey, Ms. Graham. And I'm like, oh, my God.

I like it.

It was just that Like, Stephanie Graham was taken at the time, but. Yeah, that's funny. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So, like, you're a stylist and this was a. Was it like a second career for you? Would you call it that?

Yes.

Yeah.

Maybe even like second and a half. Sure was. I started off in tech. That is the thing I went to school for. That is thing that my parents wanted me to do. And I did it, and I did it well.I once had a mentor say to me, you can be wildly successful at something you were never meant to do. And that's exactly how I felt. Yeah, like, I'm doing great. I'm making very good money for my age. Of course. Like, I was in.I joined tech at the time where things weren't ghetto and, you know, we had, like, lots of benefits. We were. We had the ability to work remote if we wanted to. Like, well before the pandemic. It was very much so.Like, wow, again, feeling that I'm lucky to be here feeling versus the wait. Does this even make sense for me? Like, is this who I want to be? And I will always say I have no regrets on my tech career. Loved it. It was great.But it was not working in that environment.Doing the kind of work I was doing, wearing the many hats and the finding out what we need to do to make investors happy this quarter, like, that lifestyle was not going to be my forever. I understood it and I can do it well. But just because you have a skill set doesn't mean you're supposed to be there forever.So I knew that at some point I would be saying, like, thank you and Goodbye. And in 2022, this was after we had been fully remote and our company was getting acquired.I decided to take my little bit equity and first off, start my business. Bet on me. I had been styling for two years prior to that, just for like, funsies.

Yeah.

And I was like, no, no, no. This is. First of all, this is an actual business. And I had a business before that that I started for Funsies once again.And that was a lingerie brand.And I had always kind of played with working with women and their image of themselves and the way that they want to be seen in the world and the way they want to feel. And then had this 9 to 5 job that paid the bills. And so making that jump felt scary.Of course, I had like a level of savings, so I felt like that was some cushion in the tangible sense.But, like, when it came to the emotions around all of it, it was kind of scary to Say, like, I'm gonna really be fully responsible for how I make a living with my creativity. And that was like, whoa. And now here we are in 2025 and I'm still alive and well. So it's working.

Yeah, you're doing it, doing it.

And yeah, like I said, it was kind of the friend that people would say, like, hey, help me figure out what to wear. When I was working in tech, specifically, I was working with social media. So many brilliant teams. I eventually became a project manager.I was working on so many brilliant teams with women who were oftentimes finding themselves in the second in command position to a guy who was not nearly as detail oriented, not nearly as relationship oriented, not nearly as, no offense, but proficient.

Yeah.

And she was making a lot of things happen. But because he was a lot more charismatic, a lot more confident in taking up space and his presence, he was oftentimes viewed as the leader.And I think that for women across different fields, not just in tech, they find themselves feeling like their presence isn't what they would like it to be. And that is what gets in the way of them actually being in the position that they deserve to be in, that they've fully earned.But they just don't have the. I don't even want to call it confidence because I don't like that.But they haven't fully claimed the privilege that comes with, hey, I actually take my image seriously and I have systems around that. And that is a part of my toolbox. We're taught that smart women don't care about their appearance.

Yeah.

And which is so silly.

Yes.

Because smart women are very strategic about these things.But, yeah, I think that when it came to watching women do that, knowing that that was something that I had a talent with and knowing that at one point I actually was dimming that side of myself so I could fit in with that environment. And it wasn't until I said, what am I doing? Like, I don't even. I love pink. I do. Yeah, I can code and I love pink. I love a good pair of heels.I'm going to show up being my true authentic self. I'm going to show up wearing what I want to wear. And when I actually started doing that, opportunities came.Like, hey, can you represent our company in this capacity? Can you go on this stage and speak and talk about X, Y, Z? And it's like, there was no change in my skillset.There was no change really, like in, in that amount of time in my experience. And what I knew, it was simply me actually Showing up saying, like, hey, I want to be seen. I'm not afraid of being seen.And that really made a difference in the money I was making, the opportunities I was seeing, and the respect I was receiving, too.

You know, I really do hate that whole idea.If you are, like, into fashion or style, that might mean that you're vain or that you, like, take pride in your appearance, that that means that, you know. Yeah. That you're just, like, not smart or.I really, really hate that if somebody is, like, taking their image seriously, that that might mean that they are looking a certain way. Like, maybe, like, with brands or like, looking more polished.What if, like, your thing is just khakis and a white T shirt or something, but just like some Doc Marten tassel shoes or something like that? I think I'm, like, wondering, like, is there some sort of framework or scan someone could do to think, you know what?I'm not taking my image seriously?Because people might also think that they are fine, you know, or they might think, well, I don't have enough time to, like, taking your image seriously.

Yeah. And I. You know what it is? It's about allowing yourself to show up the way you want to show up.Now, like you mentioned before, someone might be fine in, like, a white T shirt and some Doc Martens, which also, by the way, can be a great look. Yeah. I mean, you have, like, your classics of, like, Steve Jobs, who wore the same thing every day. There, there's.That's still being strategic with your style. The strategy is just a means to an end, like what you're trying to get to.If you are somebody who's just wearing, like, sweats or leggings and big T shirts daily, and you know that that's not how you actually want to be showing up. It's just how, by default, showing up. That's where there is an issue. Because anybody who's, like, taking the Steve Jobs approach. You don't need me.You're fine. Go be great. Yeah, go be great.But if you're somebody who, like, you're kind of, like, showing up to your work and your life and your play, just feeling like, oh, well, it kind of just do the song.And like, you know that, like, if something popped up for you, you would feel kind of embarrassed to be dressed how you're dressed, then that is the sign.And I think that, again, like, for people in general, we've been taught that, like, our intelligence and our image are these two things that are at odds with each other when actually they should be Working in tandem with one another for your success, for your. For attracting the things you desire. Those are not two opposite of the end things. We're simply just told that.Because oftentimes the things that are seen as outwardly feminine, even though it's still for guys, is diminished, just generally speaking, in society. Even though, like, women's labor gets diminished all the time. Even though, like, society would quite literally collapse without it.And I think that that's where that mindset comes from. We are not born thinking that it is something that we're told, and eventually we just take it as true.And I've experienced myself people thinking I'm dumb simply because I, like, take the time. And I think that usually when I meet people like that, they don't.

They're haters.

They're haters. Yes. And the truth is, they actually don't think I'm dumb. They just think that I don't know that I'm intelligent, if that makes sense. Yeah.And they're hoping that they can make me feel deeply uncomfortable and small. Yeah. Which doesn't work on me.

Yeah.

It's a hill I'm willing to die on. Is that people should really allow their intelligence and their image to work together. I've spoken to people who.And like, mind you, this is not about wearing heels and lipstick. This is about showing you.

Yeah.

Your image is not. There's no correct image. Your images should be as unique as you are. It should just be a reflection of your personality.But even people who show up and it's not about lipstick or heels, there are folks who just show up with, like, personality. Like the guy who likes to wear funky Hawaiian T shirts that are themed. People are going to look at him and be like, oh, well, he must be so silly.Like, we can't take him seriously. And he could be an entire rocket scientist. We're all right.And the thing is, what he's doing very powerfully that the layman may not recognize is that he is making himself stand out. He's making himself easily known, and he's making himself easily remembered.And that's the skill that comes from taking your style and the way you look seriously.

I love that. And by the way, I love seeing people show up in those Hawaiian shirts. They are so fun to look at.

Yeah. And that's the thing. Like, I think you're really here to obviously do great work.But if you do great work and know how to inspire, that is a huge, huge sign and signal that you are a leader as well. Ooh. I like that. Yeah, yeah.

Who doesn't want to be seen as a leader? Well, maybe some people don't because that's a lot of responsibility.Also you're like, no, no, no, I'm fine with like leading in the back or something.

Yeah. And the thing is there are people who lead from the background and still show up sharp.I mean, like even myself as a stylist, most of my work is done in the background. Like, you will not. Sure I was there. Sure. You can still be comfortable and stylish. You can still work in the background and be stylish.It is not just a thing. I think that this is kind of like where those unfortunate stereotypes kind of feed into each other. Like life imitates art.

Yeah.

That we think that the only people who need to look good are the people who are the talent or the front facing people. And then we say, well, those are the people who have the fluffy jobs, not the real hardworking jobs.And then we say, well, if someone looks good, then they don't know how to actually be competent or proficient. And that just, that cycle kind of repeats itself again and again and again.Whereas the people who work in the background need to be known because their work is what makes it actually happen. It shouldn't be like, oh, there's this person who's the face of whatever project you're working on.And then there's those people who kind of do the thing that's like going back to my time in tech where there was like this really charismatic guy who got along really well and got beer with like the CEO at the end of the day. And then there were the people who really actually were making things happen in the background who's never being known.And it's not that you have to be an extrovert. It's not that you have to be the most charismatic person. It's that you have to understand how to express yourself with clothes.

Yeah.You know, hearing you talk, it reminds me of when all of the Hollywood crews, we were in negotiations about a potential strike and their slogan was, nothing moves without the crew.

Yeah.

You know, and I'm like, yes. Like it's all so integrated.

Yes. And I want to see the crew. It's not like the crew needs to be ready for full hair and makeup or anything like that.

Sure.

But what I want to see the crew show up is like, you know, of course there's going to be days where all black and you have a clipboard and you have some headphones. Like that's the look for the Day. But I want to see the crew having a closet that expands beyond that.A closet that says, hey, I'm ready to actually sit down and have the mic on and tell people about my experience and what I think could change and shift in this industry. Like I said, like, those are things that show that you're ready to be a leader.I think a lot of times, especially as creatives, especially as the people who work in the background, we get so caught up in being the worker bee that we forget that, like, hey, we actually have something to say.And in order to signal to the world that we have something to say, we need to again, step out in with style, with a personal style that expresses something, versus just showing up, just getting through today and hoping that nobody asks me to do something tomorrow that I'm really not closet wide prepared for.

Prepared for it. Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's like when you go out with that guy and you're like, hey, you want to go to my friend's wedding?And they're like, I don't have a suit. And you're like, what?

Yes, yes, exactly. Exactly. And it happens every day. It happens all the time. It happens all the time.

You know, hearing you talk, I think, wow, are you like a stylist or a psychologist?

You're not the first person to ask me that. It's interesting. Someone once is like, you should be a therapist. And I was like, absolutely, Don. I'm insane.

But.

But I think that there's really something to understanding what fashion psychology, and that is an actual real thing, what it does for your psyche as well as what it does for other people. I even say, like, even down to texture of clothing, you can treat.Trigger things for people psychologically with the things you're wearing with pattern, texture, color. I mean, style is something that people love. Women, men, even babies. Yeah. Of color, texture. Because they're experiencing you.And I mean that in the least creepy way possible. People are experiencing you.They're experiencing emotion by getting the opportunity to, like, just see you and experience you and experiencing you in clothing. So there's psychology mixed up in there. I'm not. Yeah. Therapies, anybody? But we get to that too.Because the way that you're showing up for yourself and your own psyche, your closet is a lot. It's very expressive of the state of mind for people.

Yeah. And I know, like, in a previous conversation, you know, like, we've talked about having inner work in your image strategy.Would it be like, image strategy that we're creating here?

Yeah. I mean, I call it personal styling because I think personal styling is accessible for people.But image strategy, style strategy, Like I said, fashion psychology, that's all going into this. But if I say style strategy, people might get confused. Yeah, just like, leave it at personal styling. But it really.Like you said, there is a lot of inner work. I mentioned before, identity work.

Yeah, identity work.

Every day when you get dressed. It is the daily practice of identity work. Who am I being? Who am I becoming?And I think that people really underestimate the power of that because it is something we do every day. So it really doesn't seem like a big deal. But if your closet is cluttered, your mind is cluttered.If you are hiding in dull or shapeless clothing you're trying to hide, you feel invisible without meaning to. If I look in your closet right now and all I see is athletic wear, but you're not athlete or bodybuilder for a living.You're experiencing identity crisis. You don't really feel like you know who you are or what you like. These things are very tied to each other.

Yes. Oh, my gosh.I'm thinking of a woman at this coffee shop I've been going to who is always dressed in, like, the sharpest Lululemon stuff, where I asked her, I was like, do you teach around here or something?Because, like, she looks like she would, like, throw this sweater on, you know, like, in between classes or maybe like to meet with the client or whatever. She's just like, no, I just like comfy clothes. But her, they were so sharp. I'm like, wow.But, like, they were, like, these huge wrap sweaters and all this stuff. And I'm like, oh, my gosh.

Yes, I do. I have noticed that Lululemon is definitely giving the average, like, athleisure wear a run for.

Yeah.

And I always tell people, like, the people who feel stuck in leggings, like, wear wide leg linen pants, flowy pants. Like, you can be comfortable without sacrificing style. And I think that in our culture, especially, we associate style with being uncomfortable.And that's not true. It's just style is just being mindful of what you're wearing and intentional about what you're wearing.It's not that you have to be uncomfortable or super buttoned up. It's that you take the time to say, okay, let me make sure I have, like, clean shirts, jeans that make my butt look good.And let me also, like, now curate my closet to bring in pieces that actually bring me joy and reflect who I am in this journey that I've been on so far. Yeah.

Have you ever styled someone where, like, maybe in their advice that you've given them, and you guys set this plant and they've, like, taken it too far?

And when you say too far, you.

Mean, like, like, I think just like, for like a clear example, say somebody wants to dress, like, more fitted or, like, sexy in their clothes, and then like, maybe now they're wearing like your lingerie brand, like, you know, like with jeans or something. You're just like, wait, wait, wait. Let's bring it back.

Yeah, Yeah, I think. Okay, so I do have this talk, and especially. Okay, sorry, guys. Guys, we love you. Keep listening. We have more for you. But especially women.When I have conversations with women about wanting to feel sexier, because that is very, very common is like, women who are like, yeah, I definitely feel, like, cute and adorable, but I don't feel sexy. Can I do that? How do I do that? I think that what the issue is there is that we've been taught that being able to be sexy is being consumed.We're seeing sexy as consumption. And again, you were not born with that mindset. Society taught you that.

Yes.

How dare you.

Society, just like, society needs to just seriously shut up. They are ruining everything.

They're ruining everything.

I mean, seriously, especially, oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, let us live.But I think that seriously, you know, when it comes to people taking it too far, it's oftentimes because they're looking at certain things. Style in that same way of, like, style is for consumption. And in some ways, yes, but in many ways, no. Perception is a big part of it.But style is also about the way that you move through the world and your self concept. So when folks are like, seeing it in extremes of like, I want to feel sexy, let me just swing to the side of like, everything is see through in life.It's like, okay, you're viewing this from just how you would be perceived as being sexy versus how can I feel sexy? And I actually did a masterclass on that. Well, it's a. It's a whole art. And I say it's an art, but it's actually really simple.Also, there are three S's to being sexy. The sexy trinity, as I like to call it, that is.

Ooh, I love a sexy trinity.

I love a sexy trinity. That is skin. Like the concept of showing skin support. Like, of course you want to feel comfortable and held in your clothes and subject.And that's knowing that you are the subject, not the Object. And I think that that's where we step away from being objectified and being consumed and into the agency around being sexy.But you can definitely look sexy, but it's much less about being perceived as sexy and being objectified and consumed as sexy and much more about understanding how to feel sexy. People can also have this swing when it comes to professionalism. Right.So feeling like I need to be this, like, office corporate robot so I can climb the ladder and be successful. Absolutely. We want to make sure that that's a major part of your closet. That's a major part of your life.But we also want to still make sure that you have clothes for, like, enjoying time with friends and family, winding down when you get home. I'm a major fan of, like, pajamas. I'm a pajama person. Everyone needs young pajamas. I think that style is not supposed to be a costume.It's supposed to be something that supports you through your life. So if you ever find yourself, like, swinging to the extreme of, like, it has to be this. This is who I need to become.You're not really building a closet that's going to serve you. You're building a closet that you're gonna have to serve.

Ooh, yeah. We definitely don't want that. I hate. Yeah, I would hate that.

Yes. A lot of people are doing it without even realizing it, like.

Yeah.

Holding onto pieces that don't really fit you well.So you got to, like, do that thing that you got to do to your pants so that they fit or, like, that dress, or a closet that's, like, full of memories and your past life, and you're just kind of waiting for the day you'll fit it again. Or you're holding onto it because you feel deeply uncomfortable with releasing things, especially things you know you spent money on.Those end up being closets that become burdensome. Yeah. Geez.

Yeah. I've been going through this full, like, decluttering, like, in my studio, just, like, getting rid of things that, like, I do not need.And then recently, a church just announced they're doing their first clothing drive. And I'm like, oh, great.So, like, now that's my deadline to go through and pull things out that no longer serve me, and hopefully they will make somebody else super duper happy.

Yes. And that's the beauty of clothes. I really love the approach to clothes that is secondhand first.That is, like, when it's time to release, donate, bring things to consignment, let your clothes pay you back, give them to your sister or Your cousin.I fully believe that, like, when we are intentional in that way and then also when we're just intentional about what we allow in our closet, that is actually us stepping towards the more sustainable end of the consumerism spectrum. We live in America or wherever you live in the world. I mean, this isn't just an American problem anymore.But consumerism is so huge and style is oftentimes associated with that as well. But it's really about your perspective and your approach.

So a lot of the listeners of the show are like artists, creatives. They're always out and about mixing and mingling, whether they're going to the movies, a museum, hosting their own events.Sometimes it seems like maybe clothes can be expensive, you know, like, because, like, you maybe always feel like, oh, I always have to have, like this new outfit.Do you have any thoughts around constructing outfits or, you know, it's been a whole thing where, like on Instagram, not to repeat clothes, which I think is so ridiculous.

That's a great, great question. It is a layered question, which is why I like, like, how do we ask this?Because one, yes, buying clothes frequently is not ideal for your wallet, the environment. And it really actually isn't good for your style to be purchasing new clothes every time you have something come up the way. It's really not.Because now you have all this stuff. There's this, this thing you wore that one time. You have no clue how you're going to wear it again. I have within my, like, sphere.If you ever head over to it's kyla.kayla.com I have a lot of resources specifically around style for that. Exactly. Because we want sustainable style, a closet that serves us and a closet that expresses who we are.And the way to do that is to one, I always tell people, start with my closet Essentials checklist. It's available. It's literally $2. And it comes along with a lesson.And you're going to make sure that first of all, you have the essential building blocks for, like, a good closet, like I said before, a good white T shirt, a pair of jeans that you feel great and things like that. And then from there, once you have those items, those are actually going to carry you through a lot of your life.So you can have a really interesting shirt that you purchased or a jacket that you purchased because you thought it was really cool. I mean, you feel good in it.And you can take that jacket and now wear it a couple different ways because you have a pair of khaki pants, a pair of jeans, and a White T shirt. You have about five different outfits that you can create from that one jacket because you have those closet essentials that way too.You're not feeling that weirdness around. Like I've repeated this outfit. I've been seen in this before. First of all, I always lovingly tell people no one is paying that much attention to you.I promise if they are, it's really weird. And you can clock that teeth.

But yeah, but like, why you notice I'm wearing a skirt again? Like, like what is it any of your business?

You know, you can literally wear a skirt one week and of course wash it, but wear a skirt one week and then wear it next week and wear it with two completely different tops. And nobody will really pick up on the fact that you're wearing that skirt again. They'll just say like, wow, you look really cute consistently.And that's really what good style is about, is looking good consistently. It's not about being most on trend. It's not about being the person who's wearing the shiniest, newest thing.It's about being the person who can just consistently look put together. And that doesn't even mean you're not wearing a ball gown to the grocery store. But you have like, honestly.So if you could see my closet, my closet is not even that big and all my clothes are in that closet. I don't have more clothes than that. Like that is where all my clothes are. I've.You will see that I've worn this shirt before with a different pant, with a different skirt, under certain jackets and like every time it looks like a different outfit. Because I have a closet that's mix and matchable and that's what you really want.There are gonna be times where like maybe you're going to a wedding and, or you're. It is your wedding and you're wearing things the dough. You can't really wear that many different ways.But for the most part, when it comes to your day to day, the events that you're doing frequently, whether you're hosting events, attending them, you are better off. Unless they're super formal, having a closet that makes them matchable than you are. Feeling like you need to be brands making new every time. Yeah.

Cause listening to you talk, it seems like I'm like, oh, maybe I have way too many clothes. Like, it doesn't seem like you need a lot.

Most people come to me and they're like, how much is it gonna cost to buy clothes? I'm like, oh, slow down.

Yeah.

Before we buy A single thing we're going through, what you actually have first. Buying clothes is actually one of the very last steps in the process, if it even needs to happen at all.The other thing that I tell people is, like, if you feel like you have a bunch of clothes and you don't have anything to wear, it means you're not playing enough when it comes to your clothes. You're kind of. You probably have a bunch of clothes, and you find yourself wearing the same, like, five to ten things on repeat.And then there's a bunch of other things in there that you just don't even feel like you have. Like, it's just decision fatigue. To even figure out how you're going to try and pull that thing off that day. Take a little time.Literally an hour out of, like, your season.Because if as fall is upon us, as winter comes around the corner, if you just took one hour to just say, like, let me play around with my fall clothes, because this could actually look really cute with this, and this could go with this. Now your closet is once again serving you a lot more.And you'll realize, like, maybe if I do need to shop, it's like two or three things, and I know exactly what I'm shopping for versus it's fall. I need new clothes. And just blindly entering the mall or shopping online.

Yeah. What is it like to work with you, like, as, like, a. Or like, to work with a stylist? I had someone.I brought in a professional organizer to help me with, like, getting rid of a dresser. Just, like, to help my room, like, to be able to organize all my clothes in the closets. And I was trying to do it myself.And then I just got to a point where I'm like, okay, let me bring in a professional who can, like, have the strategy.

Yes. And.

But it was, like, where I had an enough. You know? And so I'm wondering, like, at what point does somebody consider bringing in a stylist?Is it when you've had enough of your clothes and you're, like, upset with yourself? You know, like, or do we. Or should we do this beforehand so that we don't get to that point?

Ideally, yes, but humans are human. So normally when people come to me, it's one of two things. Either they had an absolute meltdown, like, adult temper tantrum.

Oh, no.

Or, like, not even temper tantrum, but, like, crying meltdown, rage meltdown.Or, like, numbness around the fact that they had to, like, figure out what they were gonna wear one day, and they were just, like, at their wit's end. You're a busy person, you have things to do.And if you find yourself with sweat on your upper lip in a fitting room and some like Macy's somewhere, like freaking out because like you need something to wear tomorrow and you have 30 minutes before you need to go off to your next thing.

Yeah.

Please give me a call. The second way people come to me a lot is when they are in deep transition.I have folks come to me in a newly single season and a newly married season. Okay. I like that post baby, post graduation, new job. Like that's oftentimes when people are like, wait a minute.And both of those situations are where you have a come to Jesus moment with your self concept.

Yeah.

Where you're like, wait, who am I? Like why can't I seem to figure this out? Or like if you're having like that meltdown or a, like I'm actually not who I used to be anymore.And that's usually around the time where people come to me. And ideally they ca. I catch them like at the earliest point possible. But that doesn't always happen.

Yeah.

And to your question of like what it's like to work with me, I really can't speak to every stylist normally because some people are funky out there. But there are some people who are really great.And I find that most of us who most times when people come to us, they're expecting a very transactional experience. Like hey, I want to wear something for an event. Can you help me create an outfit? And like, yes, we can do that and yes, you're going to look great.But the best kind of styling, my favorite kind of styling is the transformational styling.And that's where we're actually asking identity work related questions and creating a style system for you that works for you, your life, what you do frequently and what it is that you want to introduce into your life that is going to serve you a lot more than me just helping you pick an outfit for an event. There are different types of stylists, of course. You know, like there's celebrity stylists, wardrobe stylists. I am a personal stylist.And when you do personal styling, sometimes people will still refer to it as wardrobe styling.That's where you're really helping an individual person express themselves with clothes on a day to day versus just helping them quickly throw something together for an event. Yeah. And I think that when people come to me ready for the more transactional styling, I can start doing that work with them.But when we start to ask those questions and start to do that work, we're going to notice that there's a much bigger issue than just, you don't have a dress to wear for a conference next week or next month. Yeah.

And I could totally see how that could come into being.I feel like even when I would, you know, take commissions for photographs, like family photos and stuff like that, like, just learning about, you know, as you, like, talk to them about, like, their family history, who's going to be in this photo, you start to realize it's not just being like, okay, meet me, you know, down by the John Hancock center, and we'll take your photo. It's like, no, let's, like, really think about, like, how we can make something truly meaningful.And I could see how that could play out in the styling. What would you say? Because I also am thinking.

I.

First of all, I love the idea of, like, gifting a stylist as, like, a gift for, like, if somebody got, like, a divorce or if they're getting married or if they, you know, are like, a new parent. What do you say for, like, people who are like, I do not have time for. For this. Like, it's just something else to do.

When people are like, okay, when it comes to gifting, first of all, love when people do that. It's so. It's like, I get so excited. Like, I've never met this person before, but I'm just really ready for it.I've had folks do that, had folks who were clients themselves. And then, like, there was this mom, she gifted it. Gifted the same session to her daughter, because that's so nice, getting ready for medical school.And I was like, wow. Like, it was amazing. It was awesome getting to work with them.But when it comes to, like, time, you kind of don't have time to not do this, if that makes sense. Yeah.The amount of time you're losing in the morning, the amount of time that you're losing, like, fidgeting in your clothes and feeling uncomfortable, the amount of energy, money, even, that you're losing by, like, playing it small because you're deeply uncomfortable with how you're showing up in spaces, yet you really don't have time to not do this. And for the amount of time that it does take, it's like anything else.Like, the amount of time that this does take, that you're going to invest in this, is going to pay off in the future. Imagine not in the. Not waking up with, like, decision fatigue and coffee every morning.You know, that is the time being saved by the short amount of time spent here.And then the other beautiful thing about the work that I do with folks, not only are we styling you, but I'm also giving you a level of education and resources that are going to be with you lifelong.So even after I'm gone, you've now learned something about yourself and how you'd like to show up and how you can pull that off so that going forward, next time you're shopping for yourself, next time you are dressing yourself, and you can confidently do that. Yeah. You don't have time not to do this, if that makes sense.

Here's a question I'm going to ask.The question was if you have, like, maybe something in your closet that you're like, I know I need to get rid of this, but you just cannot get rid of it.

Yes. 1,000%. 1,000%. So in my closet right now, have this pair of sweatpants. It is one of two sweatpants I own. One pair is like a sweatsuit.And I'm not, like, a sweatsuit person. There's nothing wrong with wearing sweatsuits, but I'm not a sweatsuit person. So the one that I have is, like, memorabilia. I can hold on to that.It, like, has my old company that I work for. When we got acquired, they said, I'll always hold on to that. That means something. Yeah. The other one is this pair of pants.It's a pair of army green sweatpants that I hold on to for the day that I'm like, oh, in case I have to, like, paint something or, like, clean something. And while I do use it for those things, those things are so few and far between.And I've been holding on to that because it's like a just in case piece of clothing. So I won't say I don't own any just in case pieces of clothing.However, I do quarterly declutters, like, get rid of stuff, go through things, and I just do it with the season as summer clothes. I was like, okay, what things are not making it to summer 2026? And that's usually when I do that. Decluttering.There's nothing wrong with having, like, an item or two. I will allow it. But if you're somebody who's finding yourself where all your clothes are just in case clothes, that's if you have an issue.

Yeah.

And, like, you feel like a physical, visceral reaction to the idea of getting rid of them, that's when I'll challenge you to get rid of them even more.

What's your take on either having everything in your closet for all seasons or, like, how people swap out per season. Do you have, like, a favorite with that?

Yeah, I know that a lot of folks. I mean, remember there was that time where there was the capsule closet craze. Like, everybody was obsessed with having a capsule wardrobe.I don't think there's no. There's truth to it. There's something to having, like, a capsule wardrobe, but it needs to make sense.So to me, the way I. I view and approach capsule wardrobes is that each season you have a capsule. There's always gonna be, like I said before, those closet essentials. I highly suggest grabbing a copy of that checklist.Those are gonna be the items that are serving you all year long. Like, those jeans are gonna serve you almost all four seasons, even if you live in Antarctica or you live on the equator.Like, you're gonna need a good pair of jeans. But then you also wanna have interest pieces, things that are just unique and you.And in cases like that, I tell folks to make sure that you have those pieces already. So, like, for the fall, you might have, like, certain special sweaters.For the summertime, you might have, like, certain shorts or, like, skirts or something, you know?

Yeah.

Having those items is the part where it's not really a capsule closet anymore. It's just more of a cyclical closet, one that you cycle in and out. And like I said, at the end of each season, you're doing like, a.Is this gonna come with me to the next season? Or is this something I could take to a consignment shop? And that's. Nobody should be shopping more than four times a year.It's a hill I'm willing to die on. You know, Take stock of what you have. Create a list of what you'd like to have, then shop for that specific list.Do not shop like a hungry grocery shopper. You will leave with things you don't need and things that don't actually serve you.And then when the time comes that you need your closet to show up for you, you're gonna realize there's still gaps because you were, like, taking inventory.

But you don't think that, like, okay, it's fall. Let me take out all of my summer clothes and put all my fall clothes in my closet. You think, just keep it all there.

I would say cycle it out. You know, Put yourself in the box and put it away.However, like, right now, as we're recording this, we're in that weird, like, September season where it's yeah, not quite fall, but it's fall. Like the leaves are turning, but it might be 80 degrees randomly. So like, don't feel like you have to immediately like hard stop.Summer clothes are gone.

Yeah.

But you do want to like cycle your clothes for.

I like the word cycle versus, like. Yeah, I like cycle versus switching. You know, like flipping.

Yes. Yeah.

One of my last questions I'll ask you as we wind down is what have you learned yourself through this process of helping other people with their style? Like, I want to say, like, maybe if it's about your own style or just about like your life.

Oh my gosh. Absolutely is such a big question. It's a big question, but it's a real question. Oh my gosh.As we've spoken this whole time, it probably sounds so practical and so like declutter this and here's practical tips and those things are important. I am a Virgo moon, if that means anything to all my astrology people out there. But I'm also very woo woo as well.And your clothes and your style should have systems, but at the same time, your style is the biggest manifestation tool that you have at your disposal at any price point at any stage in life. You can literally get dressed and have a good day simply because you got dressed well.And you can get dressed and attract people, places and things to you. And for those who are skeptical about that, listen to this. Tomorrow, try it out and just see how your day goes.Your style can pull you out of the darkest of places. Your style can bring you closer and help you create deeper connections with other people. Do not ever sleep on style.For me personally, I just got back to the US after spending some time in the Caribbean. I've only been back for nine. Nine months. Nine months. Ten months since.

How long were you there?

I was there for about two years. Oh, wow. I was, I was living enough. I was in Trinidad and Tobago. That is my family, on my mother's side. That is where everyone's from.And wait, I'm really American. And now it's like one of the few times I have the ability to be fully remote and experience life down there. And I'm so glad I did it. If anybody has.

Yeah, I'm glad you did it too.

Yeah, it was great. Yeah, it was great.But I, I got back and in this 10 months since getting back with my style, of course, with my intelligence, of course, with my skills, of course with all my talents, I attracted things. But as we all know, talent is not enough. Being smart is not enough. And I don't like it. Nobody likes it. But it is.The fact of the matter is, like, you can liter be the smartest person in the room. That doesn't guarantee you're going to be the highest paid.That doesn't guarantee you're going to be the person who's picked for every opportunity that comes. In my short time since being back, I've attracted, of course, podcast interviews, different work projects.I'm actually going to be doing some filming out in LA next.

Oh, cool.

And I'm really excited about that. Didn't even have that on my bingo card for 2025.

Yeah, that's exciting. Congratulations.

And it's because my style allows me to be memorable. My style allows me to be somebody that folks again. It signals leadership, it signals creativity.Someone can look at me without speaking to me and say, hey, I'm curious about her because I'm showing up to be seen. And I think that when you give yourself one the permission, like, it's okay to be seen. It's okay to take your image seriously.It's okay to be seen taking your image seriously. Because that can be really uncomfortable. Yeah, you're going to be shocked the types of things that show up for you.And that's not because all you need to do is like, look good and that's enough. But that's because if you're somebody who knows your ish night. Can I. What's on here? Yeah.If you're somebody who knows your shit and you're somebody who shows up ready to be seen, you are in the perfect space to be given an opportunity.

Yeah, I love that.

I'm so proud of you.

This is so exciting.

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I'm really excited for it. And like I said, it was not on my bingo card, but I cannot say that my style had nothing to do with it.And of course, like, when it comes to my intelligence, I'm ready for it, but my image is also.

I love that. And I love what you said about showing up ready to be seen and like, being seen being seen, like working on that, you know, that's so cool.

It is. That's really, like, stay ready so you don't have to get ready.

Listen, I say that all the time.Even I feel like, even if you have like an off day, you know, like, as we were talking, like this week, I've been out like every night and it's like, you don't want to do that all the time, but when you feel good about the clothes, it makes it at least easier. You're like, well, look, I'm cute, so I'm ready. You know, if you don't feel good, then it is easier to be like, I'll just be at home.

But exactly, exactly. And the thing is, someone could actually be considering you for something and then saying like, but are they really gonna fit into this?And you know that that word fit can be problematic. Or like, belonging could be problematic when used in problematic context.But when someone's thinking about who they're gonna put up on stage, if they know that you're really great, but you're really shy and uncomfortable and awkward about how you present yourself, they're not going to want to put you in a situation that's going to make you uncomfortable, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.And I also want to say too, as we close, I know I've made this very lady centric and I do want to say, if you're listening to this right now and you do not identify as a woman, you can still reach out to me.I have a small little database of other stylists that I really know, like, and trust who work with other people and, and they too will help you through this process.

Thank you for making that available.

Yes. Yeah, shoot me a dm.

Yeah, we're out and about here.

Tell me, tell me Ms. Graham sent you.

Yes.

Oh my gosh.

Well, Kyla, thank you so much for being on the show. All of your wisdom, it's gonna make me think, like, okay, am I on point? Do I need this? You know, it just like, I love it.

Thank you. I appreciate that. I appreciate that.

This has been another episode of noseyAF I'm your host, Stephanie Graham.If you liked what you heard today, go ahead and give nosy AF some love by leaving a 5 star rating and review wherever you're listening. It helps folks who find the show think. Ooh, if they like Nosy af, I might like it too.You can find full show notes and transcripts@nosy af.com and while you're there, sign up for my newsletter. Good stuff only, where I share studio stories, fresh art, messy ideas, and each month's episodes straight to your inbox.Thank you so much for your time today. Until next time, stay curious and take care. Bye.